Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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