you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Of course I have a pirate flag
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
