you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
