i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
