dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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