: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
