did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
