Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We named our party play list daddy issues
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
