How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
