you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
