dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
