I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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