u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
