apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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