I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
