Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
