yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
