but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
