i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
