you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
