Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
