I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
