I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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