Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
