PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
