At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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