Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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