I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
