Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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