what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
