I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
