i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
