And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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