I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
