Please, let me fuck your mom
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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