does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
