I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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