i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
