Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
