Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
