You just made me feel so damn special
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
