i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
