Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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