i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
