bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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