it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
