i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
