I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
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