If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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