Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
