the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
