is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
